🔗 Share this article Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme Late-night's prominent comedians used the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy. Colbert's Sarcastic Spin Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with." The focus was the new program that permits foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's page promises processing "faster than ever." "A brief thought here to affluent foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked. He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said. "Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America." "That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?" Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card." "It's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing." "Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked. Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak." "Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars." Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained. This week, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal. "These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while." "He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?" Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.
Late-night's prominent comedians used the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy. Colbert's Sarcastic Spin Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with." The focus was the new program that permits foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's page promises processing "faster than ever." "A brief thought here to affluent foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked. He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said. "Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America." "That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?" Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card." "It's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing." "Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked. Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak." "Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars." Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained. This week, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal. "These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while." "He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?" Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.